


The Path of a Koi who wants to be a Dragon.

by ArchiveofthewanderingPaladin2



Category: Kill la Kill (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Constructive Criticism Welcome, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Family Secrets, Isolation, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Repressed Memories, Rewrite, Stockholm Syndrome, Swordfighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchiveofthewanderingPaladin2/pseuds/ArchiveofthewanderingPaladin2
Summary: Kazuma wants to find the truth of his origin. He wants to find where he belongs. Where he needs to be. His quest will bring him many challenges, many hardships. Yet the path of a Koi is never an easy one. The path of a Koi is one of determination and hope. Kazuma will need both if he is to survive... yet his former guardian will stop at nothing to get him back.
Relationships: Kiryuuin Satsuki/Original Character(s)





	The Path of a Koi who wants to be a Dragon.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AspiringCreator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspiringCreator/gifts), [Bellkant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellkant/gifts).



Rain poured and lightning flashed, making a little boy buried his face into his pillow. Why was it so loud? He didn’t like storms. He didn’t like how loud they were. He whimpered, getting more and more scared. He didn’t like storms at all. Yet, against his better judgment, he got up, clutching his sword tightly like a talisman. He crept down the hallway to his mother’s room, seeing a light on. He hesitated.

Would she be mad that he’s not in bed? Would she be mad about him interrupting her sleep? ‘C’mon, Kazuma, Mama’s not like that,’ he chided in his head, trying to not be a coward. Kaneo was one, but Kazuma wasn’t! His mama told him all the time that he was brave and strong, so why was he turning to her for comfort?

He went back to his room, silent aside from the soft clunk of the door closing. He saw some sort of maroon-eyed monster in his dream of the burning house. He always had that dream now.

* * *

**[Episode 1: The Waterfall.]**

* * *

I never remembered my hair being any other color other than Mother’s shock of white. With an odd spectrum inside the soft, gravity-defying wings of it. My hair was smooth, almost feminine if it weren’t for the slight notes of curliness to it. Plus the silver highlights in there, too instead of the spectra.

My eyes were golden, a sharp contrast to Mother’s maroon, almost predatory eyes. The years were kind to her, and kinder to her still. I was growing very well. My eyes had a soft, friendly shape to them, a stark contrast to her sharp, almost viciously sharp eye shape. She looked oddly… alien, like me.

I always stuck by her side, her hand clasping one of mine, “The outside world is no place for a sweet little boy like you…” she sighed, squeezing my hand, I had no reason to doubt her. Yet, the way she looked at me was odd. Even odder was the fact that she would shove me inside the house seemingly for no reason at all.

When I was seventeen, a new feeling for someone emerged. Mother orbited me tighter now, her eyes so very paranoid. If she couldn’t be with me, she sent Rei, her assistant, or Nui, her Grand Courtier. I didn’t like Nui, she was too alien-like Mother and I. Nui’s eye watched me as I trained, my sword, Kouheisei, perched in my hands, I barely remembered my best friend’s name. Yet the person I was dueling was unlike Mother and Nui in the looks department with how clean and almost factory spit-shined she was.

Long, flowing black hair, blue eyes, shining with the light, strong features, and cold mein. Her lips downturned into a scowl. She was beautiful. A machine-like beauty, almost as if she was specifically made to be that way. Biology was one of my favorite subjects, but I found that most of her genes were from her father rather than Mother. The presence, cadence, and general attitude towards others was the same.

My interest in Biology, more specifically Genetics, was piqued even more by how different I looked from Mother and Satsuki, the girl I was quickly falling for. We came to a standstill, with Nui leaving us to go chase something. Or someone. I sat next to Satsuki, who smiled at me.

Her smile looked so genuine. Nui always smiled and Mother… mother never usually did, only when she felt like it was required. Their smiles looked so strained and rubbery, and so… so wrong.

“You’re improving, Kazuma,” she stated, “In a while, maybe Mother can authorize your move to Honnouji Academy, I may need your assistance with paperwork and other council duties. How does that sound?” she asked.

“I… I dunno…” I mumbled, feeling Satsuki’s hands on my shoulders. I stared into her beautiful blue eyes, feeling her gentle, strong grip.

“Kazuma, I’m not asking what Mother would want, I’m asking what you want…” she sighed, “You’re seventeen, in your prime, and all you want to do is stay inside? All you want to do is cling to Mother?”

I looked around for Nui, then leaned up to her ear, “No. I don’t, not at all… have you seen how clingy Mother has gotten with me? You’ve seen it, right?” I asked. Satsuki nodded. She always seemed to tense up when Mother would whisk me away. Always seemed to cringe when she’d infantilize me.

I just wanted to go out and see what was so bad for myself. Other than that, I don’t know. If I don’t like it, I’ll return. If I like it, I’ll stay. But something called to me as I left Satsuki. Something that I saw. A white cupboard with something pulsing behind it.

Or inside it. I peeked around, Mother and Nui weren’t around. Easy, easy, let’s just see what it is. Careful… precise, easy steps. I opened it up, and there was a white military coat, I smiled and reached out.

It was silky and soft. Not chewed up by moths, which was weird, why was it in a back room? I took it from the hanger and put it on, it was a fine piece of clothing, and it fit me perfectly. It’d also billow behind me as I walked.

That’s when things went from zero to one hundred. I heard heels clicking quickly on the marble and I skidded into the shadows, I didn’t want Mother to know. I bit the inside of my cheek to silence myself.

She walked by and I crept out, easy, measured. Getaway and go back to your room before she sees you.

“Kazuma? Dear, what’re you doing hiding back there?” she asked, turning towards my hiding spot. I scooched out and she sized me up.

“S-sorry mother… I found this in a back room… and well… Ta-da!” I squeaked, feeling her hand on my chin, tilting my head around, she seemed… odd. Nostalgic? Is that the word? She smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

“I’m proud of you, dear…” she sighed, “Taking the initiative to find your Kamui, to seek further strength, that’s what a man does,”

“Thank you?” I mumbled, feeling embarrassed. Why does she have to baby me so much? I’m seventeen, nearly a grown man in about a year… I wanted to see what was out there, I wanted to see the world that she was so worried about. 

“Mother, I… I have a question…” I stammered.

“Hm? What is it, dear? You know you can ask me anything, right?” she ventured.

“Why don’t you let me go outside? I mean, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but…” I spat a little, with Mother pursing her lips in thought as if trying to dredge up something from the past. As if selecting an answer I could easily swallow.

“Mother, please, be honest with me,” I urged, “I’m not a child anymore, I won’t accept your normal answers,”

She considered what I said, “It’s to protect you, Kazuma, it’s to shield you from the dangerous world outside, it truly is cruel and messy… such a sweet little boy like you would be eaten alive out there,” she stated, “I love you and I know what’s best for you,”

I had an odd feeling that she wasn’t exactly telling the truth. Satsuki and I sparred almost daily and Rei would give mother reports of my academic progress. Psychology and Biology, Genetics, all of those subjects were just because of some bored fascination. Satsuki always looked a little reluctant to leave me, too.

“But… I’m not happy with that…” I admitted, “I want to see what’s beyond the road, what’s beyond that, and those other things! I want… I want to LIVE, Mother,”

Mother stiffened as if my words made something click in her. I backed up, hand instinctively hovering over Kouheisei’s hilt. She started to chuckle, and then laugh. The laugh grew in volume and I backed up even more.

“Dear… you don’t KNOW what I’ve seen… Death, War, Corruption. The world is ugly, the world is dangerous and full of rot… and you think that it’s all going to be better when you get out? When you finally take that first step, when you finally open that door?” she asked, looming over me with that spectrum shining. I grabbed the hilt.

“Go ahead, unsheathe it, dear,” she said, “Prove your convictions by drawing your blade,”

I hesitated, screwing my eyes shut. She’d always pull this same trick. Intimidation, challenge, then when I break down crying, pick up the pieces. I gripped my hilt tighter, my eyes opening, my light shining out.

*Chink! Shiiiiinnnnnngggggggg….* I slowly unsheathed my blade, with the scraping of metal against the sheath being the only sound heard in the hall. I held out the blade, pointed at her, my eyes narrowed.

She smiled, “I see where you stand, my dear Kazuma… it’s rather refreshing to see you have such resolve…” she commented, her eyes looking down at my blade, it was a long one, white and balanced to my hand.

It was odd that she wasn’t threatened by it. Then her smile widened, becoming manic, I gripped my hilt tighter, I wasn’t going to let her sink her claws into me. I wanted to get out. I wanted to see what was out there. I wanted to live. That’s all I wanted.

“So… you think you have it all figured out, right? You think you’ve grown enough to where you can handle things, yes?” she asked, completely nonplussed, even stoic to the fact that there was a blade right over her chest.

I was scared. She was using that tone. That tone that told me to bow and pray that her punishment wouldn’t involve purification. Or anything close. She still loomed over me, staring into my eyes, my blade the only thing keeping her at a distance.

Then, she easily thumbed my blade aside. Sighing and touching my cheek, “I’m so sorry, dear…”

She picked me up gently, taking my blade from me and looking downright saddened by what she was about to do. She took off my Kamui and my shirt, I squirmed a little.

“Shhh… you don’t know how much this hurts me, Kazuma…” she sighed, I felt the bite of cold metal and sharp pain on my back. I raised my head, tears stinging my eyes, “Ah!” I gasped before Mother’s soft hand pressed me back down.

“Shhh… don’t cry… don’t cry, this is because I love you, Kazuma…” she soothed, biting more and more with the blade I had ever since I could remember. This wasn’t love. This wasn’t it at all. Satsuki… she loved me. I knew she did, Mother? I wasn’t so sure now.

Time ticked agonizingly slow, each cut, each sting of pain made me cry silently. Once it was done, Mother bandaged me up, “Kazuma… I only did it because I love you… why would you want to leave me?” she asked.

Some part of me wanted to say I didn’t want to.

“Dear… I love you, I protect you, why would you ever want to throw it away?” she asked.

I didn’t answer as Mother hugged me, “I don’t understand, why won’t you answer?” she pleaded. I didn’t hug her back because she did something unforgivable. She hurt me. Why would I ever hurt you?

You hurt me.

* * *

My back stung, and my eyes stung with tears as I loped back to my room, sniveling and crying. It hurt. It hurt so much. Why did Mother do that? Why did she cut those stars into my back? At least during Purification… she wouldn’t hurt me.

I fell on my bed, seeing my Kamui laying there, still dormant. Was Mother mad at me? She was. She didn’t even use those pills. I shook and cried, curled into a pitiful ball. I grabbed my Kamui and buried my face into the soft fabric. I heard the door open and soft footsteps pitter-patter on the carpet. 

I felt a weight on the bed and a hand petting my hair, “It’s okay, Kazuma…” Satsuki sighed, laying my head in her lap so she could look down at me more comfortably. She continued to pet my hair and soothe me, looking at the bandages with hatred in her eyes.

“Have you ever heard of the Koi and the Waterfall?” she asked. She took my silence as a no and began the tale.

“There was a school of Koi going upstream, all of them reached this waterfall and all of them kept trying to get up it. All of them gave up except for one, that one Koi kept trying and trying, and the demons of the mountain all laughed and mocked him, every time he tried… they mock him. Then, when it finally jumped over, the gods rewarded him with a change into a dragon,” she said, smiling at my awestruck expression. I grabbed her hands.

“Can I… can I be a dragon, too?” I asked.

“Of course… you’re well on your way…” she sighed, letting go of my hands and getting a few bags out of my closet, already packed. She put her finger to my lips, shushing me gently. Was she packing my stuff while Mother was punishing me? Satsuki grabbed my hand and led me down the hall, ducking behind something as we saw Rei pacing around.

“Damn…” she snarled. I looked for another way. Being raised here, I used to play Hide and Seek with Nui. I knew exactly where an alternate route out of the manor was. I made it my hideout where my best friend used to smuggle in things from the outside for me. No one knew about it.

Not even Satsuki knew where we were. I guided her to the grate and pushed it out of the mooring. We crawled out. The night felt so nice and cool. I wanted to run, so I did, dodging the camera’s sight with Satsuki doggedly after me. We ran across the yard, seeing an odd car with her friends in it. The dark green-haired boy scooched over and Satsuki lifted me in. Her friend Nonon grabbed my bags and chucked them into the trunk.

“Everyone in?” she asked, counting, she turned to the big guy in the front seat. He glanced back at me with a tough scowl.

“Punch it, Gamagori,” Satsuki ordered. Gamagori stepped on the gas and we sped off. I didn’t know how to feel, but Satsuki reached back and grabbed my hand. The others aside from Gamagori stared at the action.

“Lady Satsuki… who is this kid to you?” the dark green-haired boy asked.

“Effective immediately, you and Gamagori will answer to him, he is Kazuma, and he’s my partner,” she ordered, “Play nice, he’s a little sensitive…”

I looked back over my shoulder at the shrinking manor, smiling, grinning. I made it. I made it. All thanks to Satsuki… She was braver than me. She was stronger than me. I barely had the guts to even try to object to Mother’s views. Yet… I wanted to stay by Satsuki’s side and become a dragon.

_“Whuh? Huh?”_

I looked down at my Kamui, seeing two red and orange eyes staring up at me.

_“Hey! You’re my wearer, right?”_ He greeted, winking, _“Seems like ya got me outta the wardrobe!”_

“Satsuki! Look! Look, my coat’s awake!” I exclaimed. The green-haired boy and Nonon gawked at him.

“He’s got a KAMUI?!” Nonon gasped. I knew her from when I was younger. She was kind of a jerk and I left her alone. Satsuki seemed a little apprehensive. She sighed and my Kamui looked up at me.

“So… I’m gonna name you Kibonochi,” I stated, seeing his eyes brighten. I smiled and looked over at the boy.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Uzu Sanageyama, nice to meetcha,” he said, taking out something wrapped in cellophane. I stared at it in wonder, “What’s up?” he asked.

“What IS that?” I gasped. He got shocked again. I didn’t know it was weird but judging by Satsuki’s resigned expression and Nonon looking like it hurt her to hear.

“You… never had chocolate before?” he ventured. I shook my head and he handed over half of it. I sniffed it and took a tiny bite. Flavor exploded on my tongue, milky, sweet, and mellow flavor. I smiled and ate more and more, I noticed Satsuki pull out a small list and cross one-off.

“Lady Satsuki? What is that?” Gamagori ventured we were so far away from the manor, and he pulled into a gas station. I bounced a little in my seat. He was filling up the car. Car rides are so much fun!

“Well, I compiled a list of things Kazuma could do and places he could go,” she said, “And two were crossed off today,”

**Escape from the Manor.**

**Eat chocolate for the first time.**

* * *

“So you two aren’t siblings?” Gamagori asked.

“Nuh-uh, Mother keeps dying my hair, ‘specially the normal parts,” I explained, “She punished me for wanting to leave… and I guess I bled on Kibonochi and woke him up,”

Uzu had given me a basic rundown of Kendo. A martial art that was fencing, but much more like the samurai. I liked Uzu, he was nice and casual. I liked Ira too. He was big, and his voice was big, too. He was like the big brother I wish I had.

He seemed bigger than Mother, and I wish he was there to shield me. Satsuki shielded me so much, and always seemed to break. We finally made it to Hanno City, and I saw the ramshackle slums speed by. They were stacked haphazardly on top of one another, labyrinthine streets stretched out like a web.

“Satsuki? Why are there slums?” I asked.

“Some people aren’t like Mother and me, they didn’t come from money,” she said.

“But… it’s not fair… wouldn’t that make people hate you for your money?” I asked the others looked at me in a slight shock.

“Some people do, Kazuma, but… I do have an option for those who seek to climb up,” she continued, “They enroll their children into the Academy, they fight, they win, move up in rank,”

“Still… what about those who don’t want to fight, but want to move up? They have the will and the skill,” I wondered. Satsuki turned in her seat and smiled, touching my cheek. Her hands were warm… I liked them.

“Kazuma, power, and strength aren’t always inherent… they’re earned. Your genetics and your station don’t matter in those walls, it’s weak and the strong, and the strong trample the weak underfoot,” she said.

“But without the weak, there’d never been the strong,” I stated, “Every strong man or woman in history was once weak, it’s my dream to break that scenario... the strong cannot exist without the weak, and I will support that until the end,”

  
“Because… because I wanna be strong like you, Satsuki! Fearless, never weak, or cowardly! Because… because it hurt. It hurt so much…” I admitted, reaching back and touching the bandages. Never again. Once we got into the Academy, Satsuki and the others all left the car and I did too. We all walked together, with Kibonochi and I taking in our new home. It was large and imposing. It was like a military base and a castle.

Of course, when we got into the living quarters, Satsuki placed me right next door to her. She looked at my wonder-struck face, “I… I get my room, but… please don’t tell me any of you have a key!” I exclaimed.

Satsuki sighed, “Kazuma… no, none of us have a key to your room or office except for you,”

“May I ask why he’s concerned about that?” Ira asked.

“I don’t think he’ll tell, but… wait,” Uzu saw me whisper in Satsuki’s ear. She looked back at the others.

“Since the Academy opened, my mother tightened security around him, yet her punishment was to always lock him in his room. That’s what the issue is,” Satsuki explained, “Yet now… she hurt him,”

I shuffled into my room and shut the door behind me, Kibonochi looked up at me. I still remember what Mother said, how it was for my good that she cut up my back. 

_“Kazuma, things are gonna be better now! You’re with the girl you love and she reciprocates!”_

“No, no no... Kibo, you don’t get it, I like Satsuki… it’s just kind of hard to describe it,” I admitted, “She’s… so brave and fearless, and I’m over here just starting… How could I, Kazuma, ever compare to that?”

_“That story of the koi is pretty close to what your journey is like…”_ Kibonochi commented, _“You’ll find a way to your strength, no matter what… we’ll get stronger,”_

I found myself liking to wander the Academy, my thoughts were on something else. I knew there was something out there that wanted to find me. Something that I knew I had that didn’t want to keep me on a leash.

All this time I thought the world was full of danger. That’s why Mother kept me inside. That’s why she wanted to keep me safe. Yet… that moment of choice? That moment I unsheathed Kouheisei and leveled it at her chest, severing that connection when she gouged out the stars on my back? It was a declaration of independence, of freedom. I didn’t want to hold back anymore. I wanted to feel how I wanted to feel. I sat at the edge of the tallest spire, hearing clicking heels behind me. Of course, I used to be scared of them, but I knew it was Satsuki.

She sat next to me with a small smile on her face, looping her arm around my shoulders. Satsuki pulled me into her arms and I cried. I let go and cried, I was smiling, but crying, too. I was letting go of all the hurt, of all the pain, all the loss I felt. I was free. Free. Able to climb up that waterfall, with Satsuki saying one more time. One more time. She held me. She was always there. My friend. My closest friend. 

“Don’t let go… please?” I mewed.

“Of course, Kazuma… take all the time you need…” she sighed, “I’m here for you if you need me,”

“I just… don’t understand…” I sniffed, “How… how could mother DO this?” I touched my scars. I hated looking at my hair now, I knew deep down that it was time to find the truth. No matter how long it took and how much it hurt.

I wanna find where I truly belong.


End file.
